southern dropout

okay, kids. finally.

2010-07-16T14:19:00.000-04:00

http://southerndropout.tumblr.com/

http://athensdreaming.tumblr.com/

love = oops?

2010-07-16T12:46:00.002-04:00

HOWL.

2010-07-15T12:15:00.001-04:00

chills.

2010-07-14T14:39:00.002-04:00

michele gondry! jay chou!? :)

2010-07-14T14:16:00.002-04:00

the social network.

2010-07-13T19:12:00.001-04:00

life during wartime.

2010-07-13T19:05:00.005-04:00

great directors.

2010-07-13T19:01:00.003-04:00

band of horses - laredo.

2010-07-13T18:45:00.002-04:00

Band of Horses - Laredo (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Band of Horses

cheap eats!

2010-07-12T17:51:00.002-04:00

new york mag.

the amazing @ the amazing.

2010-07-08T17:45:00.001-04:00

oliver stone.

2010-07-01T16:09:00.002-04:00

2010-07-01T15:36:00.000-04:00

I try not to get too close. From a distance almost everything looks real.

move = over, technically.

2010-07-01T11:03:00.002-04:00

it was long, hot, expensive and super stressful. also a little fun, but sadly not as much as i was hoping for [well, maybe just not enough of a balance between the two.] now i'm super broke and not getting paid until next friday, which has me on edge [cause, you know, rent is due today]. i also have 5 metric tons of stuff out on the roof deck that is supposed to fit in my room [but it ain't gonna]. hope it doesn't rain before i figure out what to do.

peace.

2010-06-24T14:45:00.001-04:00

move to nyc, part 2. adventure begins tonight.

2010-06-24T10:54:00.000-04:00

new [awesome] mates of state vid.

2010-06-22T11:07:00.004-04:00

my fave new track from band of horses.

2010-06-21T14:23:00.002-04:00

ya know?

2010-06-21T13:22:00.000-04:00

zoe will be here. wow.

2010-06-18T14:48:00.002-04:00

it's hard to believe, but after 6 YEARS of saying that all i really needed was one good friend to move to NYC from ATL - it has finally happened. well, almost. i really shouldn't get ahead of myself. oh, who the fuck am i kidding? zoe is gonna be up here in just over a week, nabbing [i'm sure of it!] a job and an apt. and i'm gonna work my ass off for her to make sure that happens. because this photo is true - life with zoe is just plain better. i'm over the moon about this whole prospect. c'mon life - let's do this!

music loooove. can't stop.

2010-06-16T12:20:00.001-04:00

somewhere. OR - sophia coppola named her new film after my dog.

2010-06-15T13:48:00.003-04:00

letter of advice i wrote to my 17-year-old friend today who got her heart broken for the first time.

2010-06-15T00:04:00.004-04:00

I wish I could tell you that in a few years, you'll never even think of this guy anymore. Well actually, you might not. You def won't be worrying about it anymore and it won't bother you in the same way. Certainly, once you meet the right person, it will only exist in the back of your brain.

The prob in my life has been that I have been pretty much alone ever since John & I broke up, which happened in college. Because noone has replaced him yet, I still think of him often and miss him. And, of course, I've had pretty terrible dating experiences since then, and those have all shook me to my core and reminded me of John too.

Relationships, for me, are the hardest part of life. School, career - that was always the easy stuff. But friendships, family and boyfriends have always been the sharpest edge of the table. Life is weird in that way, because most of my friends are in [and have been for awhile] great, committed, life-long relationships already. You just don't know what you're going to get in life. Some people meet the love of their life at 18 and stay with them forever, some people marry at 22 and divorce by 29 and some people, like me, are almost 26 and have never been anywhere near a serious relationship [though, to be fair, I do think my case is more rare.]

The pain, however uncomfortable, is such an essential part of growing up and learning about yourself and what you need. All you can do now is look the pain in the face and decide what to do with it. You also need to decide if this guy is someone healthy for you to have in your life. When things ended with the last guy I dated, he deleted me off Facebook and Twitter and refused to speak to me. He wants nothing to do with me - and HE was the one who ended things with ME!! But that's how he deals. I have friends who are able to take some time off and then retain friendships with their exes. It's all about how you deal, and throughout your life you will rediscover this a million times.

Inevitably, the person who will make you most happy in your life is the person who will be on your team, have your back and will make you feel like the best version of yourself. If this guy makes you feel like the worst, most insecure part of yourself - then it doesn't matter how much you used to love him. It's not healthy to be around someone who brings you down. I know you know this.

For me, one of the easiest lessons I ever learned [though I know it to be a hard lesson for many of my friends!] is that you don't have to be close with everyone. Not everyone has to like you, or get along with you, or think that you're "normal." In life, you need to love yourself first. You have a great relationship with your family, a handful of good friends, a dream - that's all you need.

Break out those coping devices! Mine include writing about the problem, watching movies to escape, crying in the shower and long walks listening to my favorite music. And remember that the only thing that really heals all wounds is time. Which sucks, in a way. But as you get older, you realize how time [and in my case - and soon to be yours] - distance, can make all the difference.

<3

ugly betty.

2010-06-14T23:57:00.002-04:00

"Oh, honey. You've got to stop. Somehow you got it in your head that this is your story. You've got to let that go. It's time to come up with a whole new story for yourself. You are who you are. And the sooner you are okay with that, the sooner that you see what I see, the happier you're going to be. I swear to God." - Hilda to Betty

2010-06-12T19:19:00.000-04:00

put a smile on your face.

2010-06-11T16:06:00.000-04:00

new desktop image.

2010-06-10T12:02:00.003-04:00

[hopefully it will lighten my load. right now, i feel like everyone i know is mad at me. one friend from GA refuses to return any of my phone calls. it's kinda breaking my heart. josh and william are mad at me for what - to me - seems to be totally fucking silly. and in this case, i feel like if anyone should be mad, it should be me. and i'm not. so can we move on now? there's others, yada yada. what's in the water?]

new Jean-Pierre Jeunet!

2010-06-08T20:41:00.001-04:00

doing this.

2010-06-08T14:49:00.000-04:00

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World trailer.

2010-06-01T13:17:00.001-04:00

kinda trufax.

2010-06-01T12:57:00.000-04:00

one [and only] GYPSY CARAVAN photo.

2010-05-28T16:45:00.000-04:00

another friday night with no plans.

2010-05-28T15:18:00.001-04:00

joan rivers: a piece of work.

2010-05-27T14:35:00.002-04:00

life as we know it.

2010-05-27T12:54:00.002-04:00

cruel and unusual.

2010-05-25T11:39:00.001-04:00

...is having a job that makes you build food galleries all day when you can't afford to buy lunch.

[story people.]

2010-05-24T12:14:00.000-04:00

The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn't believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I was leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time.

man problems.

2010-05-23T20:43:00.006-04:00

he isn't talking to me. ever again. he deleted me off facebook and twitter, he told me off on gchat and he ignored the fuck out of me when i ran into him at the highland ballroom in atlanta. this twists my heart pretty tight, but i can't say that i'm surprised or even that i don't think that it may be for the best. i'll certainly miss the man who was once my very best friend. i also miss the other, who has gone with him.

i'm also in danger of losing him. also not totally surprising, but still very upsetting. perhaps more upsetting than the former. i dont know. he feels like a soulmate in a way that i've never had in my life before. i feel like i just want to talk to him forever. but it's complicated. in the end, i'll never get to have him the way i really want him [and no, not like THAT] and so maybe it's just all for the best. we'll see.

ran into him while at highland ballroom as well... and he's holding tight to his whole "too cool for school and you" act. i may never know what that is all about.

i miss my brother and i have no idea when i'll see him again.

clayton won't write me back.

marshall won't commit to plans.

josh and william have weirdly semi-disappeared into their move, rebuffing [well, ignoring!] my attempts to help them out.

he spent 3 days tearing up my heart and is now playing like all we ever were was just friends. and has promptly all but disappeared from my life. the girl he is seeing is adorable.

new SD logos.

2010-05-20T11:01:00.002-04:00

plz excuse my absence.

2010-05-20T10:12:00.002-04:00

i've been busy building fake makeovers for my new job.

first day of work down!

2010-05-11T23:15:00.001-04:00

felt a little stupid next to my smart and socially-saavy co-producer. let's hope this all works out for the best. chin up!

the point is...

2010-05-05T01:24:00.000-04:00

fuck you, world.

2010-05-04T02:03:00.001-04:00

for letting me get into another impossible situation. i'm not taking all the blame for this one, either. quit throwing people in my lap who simply cannot love. it's just mean. hide the carrot, dude.

i work at NBC. wow.

2010-04-30T14:40:00.003-04:00

my current theme song.

2010-04-29T01:14:00.003-04:00

Load the car and write the note
Grab your bag and grab your coat
Tell the ones that need to know
We are headed north

One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay, to live like that
So i cut the ties and i jumped the tracks
For never to return

Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape I'm in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in

When at first I learned to speak
I used all my words to fight
With him and her and you and me
Oh but its just a waste of time
Yeah its such a waste of time

That woman shes got eyes that shine
Like a pair of stolen polished dimes
She asked to dance I said it's fine
I'll see you in the morning time

Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape im in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in

Three words that became hard to say
I and love and you
What you were then, I am today
Look at the things I do

Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape I'm in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in

Dumbed down and numbed by time and age
Your dreams to catch the world, the cage
The highway sets the travelers stage
All exits look the same

Three words that became hard to say
I and love and you
I and love and you
I and love and you

wreckless abandon, rene.

2010-04-27T01:59:00.001-04:00

dear brad.

2010-04-26T22:15:00.001-04:00

adorable business cards on the way.

2010-04-24T17:40:00.000-04:00

[this is part of the front, FTW.]

SELF interview.

2010-04-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

tomorrow is the first of two big days planned in the city [so far.] fucking nerved out. hold my hand, wish me luck.

big networking / ed2010 event tonight.

2010-04-20T16:57:00.000-04:00

[in other news...]

fucking le sigh.

2010-04-19T21:30:00.000-04:00

2010-04-17T19:12:00.000-04:00

2010-04-17T00:37:00.002-04:00

etsy store is live!

2010-04-16T14:39:00.001-04:00

so exciting - shop til you drop.

i'm in nyc! i'm in nyc!

2010-04-15T12:34:00.002-04:00

4 weeks to make stuff happen! please please please.

so much work and a POS computer.

2010-04-07T19:56:00.002-04:00

help me, totoro. NOTHING is getting done.

back to nyc 4/14.

2010-04-06T14:27:00.000-04:00

i havent been this nervous in a long time.

chirp, chirp, chirp.

2010-04-04T01:53:00.000-04:00

2010-04-03T16:21:00.000-04:00

and yes.

2010-04-02T01:41:00.000-04:00

mercy.

2010-04-01T02:19:00.002-04:00

threadless really is the best.

2010-03-31T23:47:00.000-04:00

go buy stuff.

i want.

2010-03-29T22:57:00.000-04:00

sorry iv'e been mia.

2010-03-29T01:52:00.004-04:00

just been mourning the loss of everything in my life after my car was broken into last thursday. my laptop, ipod, headphones, camera and tons of paperwork and personal items are gone. this includes all my writing, photos, music, blog material, reviews - everything, boys and girls. everything. i miss my dog.

this actually looks decent.

2010-03-24T02:59:00.001-04:00

2010-03-20T21:30:00.000-04:00

2010-03-19T00:55:00.000-04:00

2010-03-17T15:14:00.002-04:00

anytime i get upset about the ex [not CN - f that guy], zoe oftentimes makes me feel better. the truth is, this kid just has no idea what he's doing. he's never been thru a breakup and so his attempts at doing the "right" thing for himself and for our floundering friendship... are often misguided. for there are no black and white's in love - and i'm afraid that's the only way he functions. either we're together and he's awesome or we're not and therefore he can only mildly show any type of emotion towards me. he is afraid every little thing he does will signal to me that he's ready to dive back in - as if he were the only one to have any real restraint. as if it was ME who had all the feelings throughout. it's amazing to me how you can love someone so much who treats you so weirdly. i want to help him but he isn't hearing it coming from me. the emotional part for me comes solely from the fact that he let his family hate me and drag me through the mud without so much as a word to the contrary. and i think he has zero remorse or even a notion of a feeling as to why this might bother me at all - or MATTER at all. it is literally astounding to me.

before i sink into this and cry, i must go. but seriously - what the fuck have i allowed myself to go through during this time in atlanta? the weight of thought is crushing me.

i forgot how much work making film action is.

2010-03-15T13:39:00.001-04:00

but then again, i also forgot how fun it is! seriously - what a high. esp when it's your own thing getting shot.

shoot day one of pilot: done!

2010-03-13T21:29:00.000-05:00

SOMETHING pull through. please.

2010-03-11T14:17:00.000-05:00

he said / she said.

2010-03-11T01:16:00.004-05:00

amassed answers: he said he thinks he's happier. life is easier. i made him crazy. he misses me but the main thing he misses about me is the sex. no regrets. loves me but never says it. or, you know, acts like it. says he is finally listening to his heart over his brain but to me it feels like the opposite.
and. well. isnt that sweet.

out march 19th.

2010-03-10T22:08:00.002-05:00

2010-03-10T03:46:00.000-05:00

swamped but this makes me feel better.

2010-03-09T15:21:00.001-05:00

broken. always broken.

2010-03-08T03:30:00.000-05:00

perfection and other things.

2010-03-04T23:21:00.001-05:00

tales of mere existence.

love this.

2010-03-04T13:13:00.001-05:00

2010-03-04T00:44:00.001-05:00

this one too. :)

2010-03-03T13:06:00.001-05:00

i like this guy.

2010-03-03T13:04:00.000-05:00

CP unite.

2010-03-03T00:30:00.000-05:00

'chloe' out march 26th.

2010-03-01T19:39:00.002-05:00

'exploding girl' out march 12th.

2010-03-01T19:36:00.003-05:00

bye bye house.

2010-03-01T18:54:00.001-05:00

got a txt from my bio-mom.

2010-03-01T01:45:00.002-05:00

upon getting an update on my life:
"be careful - luv ya - life will be better for us both soon - promise"
oh, mom. i've heard that before.

but in all seriousness, i worry about that lady. widowed. cancer. now the man is docking her wages and she can't afford her home. luckily, i've talked her into moving to WV in may. SO. in may - we move her on up to charleston for a fresh new job. plus, i talked audrey into teaching her about online dating.

that lankford luck - whata drag. if i could take it all on to make it better for the rest of you, i would.
esp my poor little brother ... :(

moving is supremely depressing.

2010-02-28T03:13:00.001-05:00

i can't believe i ever left NYC.

2010-02-26T02:21:00.003-05:00

i think my time here was supposed to happen. i think i tried to make the best of it. i also think it was a terrible and totally shitty year. i'm trying to be positive, but tonight is not one of those nights. i guess the important thing to remember is that i came here for a reason and even though that reason didn't work out, i wouldn't have ever known if i hadn't moved here. and i couldn't have lived with that. so yeah, there was a point. and some good stuff has happened. but all i can think about right now, at this night, is walking down the streets of NYC. mostly in the east village. i keep thinking about college and my awesome jobs [though some very shortlived] and my brunches with lauren and dinners with w&j. i thought i was so lonely when i lived there. i mean, i guess i was. but you know how they say you can be just as lonely in a crowd full of people? that's how i feel here. i think i learned something valuable. that's great and all. i still feel like i'm wasting my time - day by day. is it time to go home yet? i'm ready to go home. someone please give me an awesome job and sing me back to sleep.

i guess i should have known when i had to stop the car after driving out of the city on my way to atlanta to have a massive nervous breakdown that something wasnt right. one of these days i'll learn.

HIM.

2010-02-25T02:21:00.001-05:00

the beautiful man is in my house again tonight, but don't worry - he ain't here for me. he just stays while on breaks from shooting 'vampire diaries' around town. le sigh. still need to be properly kissed. come on, 2010!

test for lemondrop.

2010-02-24T21:37:00.001-05:00

worn down to nothing.

2010-02-22T01:51:00.000-05:00

jackpie sketch show 2010.

2010-02-21T03:13:00.001-05:00

2010-02-18T19:59:00.000-05:00

wants.

2010-02-17T13:18:00.007-05:00

[ornamental things]

[ornamental things]

[ornamental things]

[ornamental things]

[ornamental things]

[ornamental things]

want.

2010-02-15T14:16:00.000-05:00

2010-02-12T02:09:00.001-05:00

today was nutballs and it ain't ova.

2010-02-10T23:18:00.003-05:00

i know it's mean, but i hate coming home to my roommate and her boyfriend after a long day. they take over the house and are so loud. ugh, college all over again. just want to be a grown up who lives on her own. i'm so easily distracted by everything around me... ironic, the opposite of being an adult.

oh yeah, this happened.

2010-02-10T03:10:00.002-05:00

pink floating.

2010-02-08T21:01:00.001-05:00

i feel like someone punched me in the gut.

2010-02-07T20:49:00.000-05:00