indeed, my friends, the grass is always greener. after 5 months of nearly never thinking of nyc, my thoughts have been constantly consumed by my isolating city. i know that the appeal is the run...to run away from the hard stuff is so cleansing. i hang in the balance between feeling like i need to confront my fear of others head on while also feeling like i was doing just fine before. i wish i could command clear headspace, but i cannot. more than anything, id love to be as cool, relaxed and laid back as so many that ive met here. but dudes, i'm a fuckin' new yorker...emotional. neurotic. the facade is breaking, im tipping over and the chips are most certainly falling. at least i know i'm sane, and as sally so nicely reminded me, i'm prob the most "together" person i know. ha! but what does that even mean anymore?
i guess it means clearing the air in order to keep in that way. were smart enough to know whats toxic for us, and too many people here keep that shit around them. masochist? go down swinging.
ps- i miss you, new york. youre quite glorious, arent you? but i left you for a reason and its not time to crawl back quite yet. like a bad a relationship or an awful drug, my god. ha- learning about myself these days has been taken to an all new and quite interesting level.
and, as always...
feel completely without guilt - trust that your emotions are legitimate for you- accept needed change, accept some inaliable truths about yourself- admit them - learn to let go.