cruel and unusual.

...is having a job that makes you build food galleries all day when you can't afford to buy lunch.


[story people.]

The day he first told me he was starting to disappear I didn't believe him & so he stopped & held his hand up to the sun & it was like thin paper in the light & finally I said you seem very calm for a man who is disappearing & he said it was a relief after all those years of trying to keep the pieces of his life in one place. Later on, I went to see him again & as I was leaving, he put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life, he said, take good care of it & then he smiled & was gone & the room filled with the sound of the wind & when I opened the package there was nothing there & I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it & I got down on my hands & knees & looked until the light began to fade & then slowly I felt the pieces of my life fall away gently & suddenly I understood what he meant & I lay there for a long time crying & laughing at the same time.


man problems.

he isn't talking to me. ever again. he deleted me off facebook and twitter, he told me off on gchat and he ignored the fuck out of me when i ran into him at the highland ballroom in atlanta. this twists my heart pretty tight, but i can't say that i'm surprised or even that i don't think that it may be for the best. i'll certainly miss the man who was once my very best friend. i also miss the other, who has gone with him.

i'm also in danger of losing him. also not totally surprising, but still very upsetting. perhaps more upsetting than the former. i dont know. he feels like a soulmate in a way that i've never had in my life before. i feel like i just want to talk to him forever. but it's complicated. in the end, i'll never get to have him the way i really want him [and no, not like THAT] and so maybe it's just all for the best. we'll see.

ran into him while at highland ballroom as well... and he's holding tight to his whole "too cool for school and you" act. i may never know what that is all about.

i miss my brother and i have no idea when i'll see him again.

clayton won't write me back.

marshall won't commit to plans.

josh and william have weirdly semi-disappeared into their move, rebuffing [well, ignoring!] my attempts to help them out.

he spent 3 days tearing up my heart and is now playing like all we ever were was just friends. and has promptly all but disappeared from my life. the girl he is seeing is adorable.



first day of work down!

felt a little stupid next to my smart and socially-saavy co-producer. let's hope this all works out for the best. chin up!


fuck you, world.

for letting me get into another impossible situation. i'm not taking all the blame for this one, either. quit throwing people in my lap who simply cannot love. it's just mean. hide the carrot, dude.