i can't believe i ever left NYC.

i think my time here was supposed to happen. i think i tried to make the best of it. i also think it was a terrible and totally shitty year. i'm trying to be positive, but tonight is not one of those nights. i guess the important thing to remember is that i came here for a reason and even though that reason didn't work out, i wouldn't have ever known if i hadn't moved here. and i couldn't have lived with that. so yeah, there was a point. and some good stuff has happened. but all i can think about right now, at this night, is walking down the streets of NYC. mostly in the east village. i keep thinking about college and my awesome jobs [though some very shortlived] and my brunches with lauren and dinners with w&j. i thought i was so lonely when i lived there. i mean, i guess i was. but you know how they say you can be just as lonely in a crowd full of people? that's how i feel here. i think i learned something valuable. that's great and all. i still feel like i'm wasting my time - day by day. is it time to go home yet? i'm ready to go home. someone please give me an awesome job and sing me back to sleep.

i guess i should have known when i had to stop the car after driving out of the city on my way to atlanta to have a massive nervous breakdown that something wasnt right. one of these days i'll learn.



the beautiful man is in my house again tonight, but don't worry - he ain't here for me. he just stays while on breaks from shooting 'vampire diaries' around town. le sigh. still need to be properly kissed. come on, 2010!


today was nutballs and it ain't ova.

i know it's mean, but i hate coming home to my roommate and her boyfriend after a long day. they take over the house and are so loud. ugh, college all over again. just want to be a grown up who lives on her own. i'm so easily distracted by everything around me... ironic, the opposite of being an adult.

oh yeah, this happened.