i think my time here was supposed to happen. i think i tried to make the best of it. i also think it was a terrible and totally shitty year. i'm trying to be positive, but tonight is not one of those nights. i guess the important thing to remember is that i came here for a reason and even though that reason didn't work out, i wouldn't have ever known if i hadn't moved here. and i couldn't have lived with that. so yeah, there was a point. and some good stuff has happened. but all i can think about right now, at this night, is walking down the streets of NYC. mostly in the east village. i keep thinking about college and my awesome jobs [though some very shortlived] and my brunches with lauren and dinners with w&j. i thought i was so lonely when i lived there. i mean, i guess i was. but you know how they say you can be just as lonely in a crowd full of people? that's how i feel here. i think i learned something valuable. that's great and all. i still feel like i'm wasting my time - day by day. is it time to go home yet? i'm ready to go home. someone please give me an awesome job and sing me back to sleep.
i guess i should have known when i had to stop the car after driving out of the city on my way to atlanta to have a massive nervous breakdown that something wasnt right. one of these days i'll learn.
i know it's mean, but i hate coming home to my roommate and her boyfriend after a long day. they take over the house and are so loud. ugh, college all over again. just want to be a grown up who lives on her own. i'm so easily distracted by everything around me... ironic, the opposite of being an adult.