i can't believe i ever left NYC.

i think my time here was supposed to happen. i think i tried to make the best of it. i also think it was a terrible and totally shitty year. i'm trying to be positive, but tonight is not one of those nights. i guess the important thing to remember is that i came here for a reason and even though that reason didn't work out, i wouldn't have ever known if i hadn't moved here. and i couldn't have lived with that. so yeah, there was a point. and some good stuff has happened. but all i can think about right now, at this night, is walking down the streets of NYC. mostly in the east village. i keep thinking about college and my awesome jobs [though some very shortlived] and my brunches with lauren and dinners with w&j. i thought i was so lonely when i lived there. i mean, i guess i was. but you know how they say you can be just as lonely in a crowd full of people? that's how i feel here. i think i learned something valuable. that's great and all. i still feel like i'm wasting my time - day by day. is it time to go home yet? i'm ready to go home. someone please give me an awesome job and sing me back to sleep.

i guess i should have known when i had to stop the car after driving out of the city on my way to atlanta to have a massive nervous breakdown that something wasnt right. one of these days i'll learn.

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