i want.

sorry iv'e been mia.

just been mourning the loss of everything in my life after my car was broken into last thursday. my laptop, ipod, headphones, camera and tons of paperwork and personal items are gone. this includes all my writing, photos, music, blog material, reviews - everything, boys and girls. everything. i miss my dog.


anytime i get upset about the ex [not CN - f that guy], zoe oftentimes makes me feel better. the truth is, this kid just has no idea what he's doing. he's never been thru a breakup and so his attempts at doing the "right" thing for himself and for our floundering friendship... are often misguided. for there are no black and white's in love - and i'm afraid that's the only way he functions. either we're together and he's awesome or we're not and therefore he can only mildly show any type of emotion towards me. he is afraid every little thing he does will signal to me that he's ready to dive back in - as if he were the only one to have any real restraint. as if it was ME who had all the feelings throughout. it's amazing to me how you can love someone so much who treats you so weirdly. i want to help him but he isn't hearing it coming from me. the emotional part for me comes solely from the fact that he let his family hate me and drag me through the mud without so much as a word to the contrary. and i think he has zero remorse or even a notion of a feeling as to why this might bother me at all - or MATTER at all. it is literally astounding to me.

before i sink into this and cry, i must go. but seriously - what the fuck have i allowed myself to go through during this time in atlanta? the weight of thought is crushing me.


i forgot how much work making film action is.

but then again, i also forgot how fun it is! seriously - what a high. esp when it's your own thing getting shot.


SOMETHING pull through. please.

he said / she said.

amassed answers: he said he thinks he's happier. life is easier. i made him crazy. he misses me but the main thing he misses about me is the sex. no regrets. loves me but never says it. or, you know, acts like it. says he is finally listening to his heart over his brain but to me it feels like the opposite.
and. well. isnt that sweet.


'chloe' out march 26th.

'exploding girl' out march 12th.

bye bye house.

got a txt from my bio-mom.

upon getting an update on my life:
"be careful - luv ya - life will be better for us both soon - promise"
oh, mom. i've heard that before.

but in all seriousness, i worry about that lady. widowed. cancer. now the man is docking her wages and she can't afford her home. luckily, i've talked her into moving to WV in may. SO. in may - we move her on up to charleston for a fresh new job. plus, i talked audrey into teaching her about online dating.

that lankford luck - whata drag. if i could take it all on to make it better for the rest of you, i would.
esp my poor little brother ... :(