you know how people throw around that phrase, "oh! thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me"? well, the other night i was watching conan with one of my fave actresses and she told her story about what i call the NTES (nicest thing ever said.) ive heard a lot of peoples and i used to try and rack my brain to think of mine, until i realized that if i didnt just *know* it, then maybe i didnt have one yet.
i mean, sure, people have said lovely things to me. things that made me heart soar and things that made my days glow a little brighter. but never anything life-altering, you know? until now. i guess you prob. knew where this was going.
after my day of hell, i sat next to this young couple on the subway. they were so cutesy, all over each other. honestly, i didnt know if i should laugh, cry or puke.
later, i told one of my friends from college (one of only like, 3) and she asked me what i'm looking for in a relationship.
i told her (what i always tell everyone), "someone that loves me for exactly who i am." to which she replied, "exactly. and you will find that because you are incredible and everyone who doesn't see that is just bat fucking blind."
i later let on that i was a bit more worried about the ending up alone thing than normal. and she sent to me the words that i will now dub my NTES. and i dont know that it will everbe topped.
oh it so will for you. you're going to find someone amazing. i can't wait for that day when you're like "i met someone" and then i'll just feel this chill and i'll know.
seriously, i have some good friends in my life who i hold very dear to me, but i feel like you are so much more complete and complex. i don't know, maybe i'm just thinking of what i would be attracted to but you are seriously one fascinating human.
i don't mean this as a diss to some of my other friends, but i kind of have them figured out. granted i've known some of them longer, but they are the way they are and they're not going to change.
you on the other hand, are so ornate. you have these little crevices within you where every time i'm with you i discover something new and i feel like an archeologist or something. i love that.
because no matter what it is we're talking about you always have something to say and even when we're saying nothing it's comfortable. you just have a way of putting people at ease, yet keeping them on their toes at the same time and i think that's what i like the best about you. i can never tell what's going to happen next but i know that i can't wait till it does.
because i could never be bored with you. i might be overwhelmed with you at times, but i could never be bored with you. i'd rather have too much of you than not enough.
it's like your room. it's exactly who you are, but yet it's nothing of who you are. there are so many trinkets from your life and each has a story to it. that's who you are, you're the storyteller.
but at the same time you're so beyond any of that and you don't need it, when sometimes i think you do. like, you have so much going for you already that all of the rest of it... well... i guess it's like a field where there's this gorgeous tree that just keeps growing and it has been forever but you know it's not done yet and you want to be under it for shade and protection but at the same time you want to stand back and watch the birds come and the seasons change. beneath it is green grass that's soft, and there are flowers that bloom and even though the flowers are pretty nothing compares to the tree. i guess that's how i see you.
you're that tree.
you have so much in you that i admire.
you have this courage to be who you are, so fearless to just say it and have that be that at your word. you have this raw ability to just be honest with emotion. you don't play the head games with yourself that i play with myself. i try to control things, you just let them be because you're smart enough to know that you can't control them. it's rare to have that. to just be open and say this is what i'm feeling and that's ok.
you're seriously smart and you have such insight into human life and those around you. it's like you know exactly what's going on, but you can't always say that you do because you're gentle and you know people need to discover it themselves.
you're creative and have this artistic ability that i really wish i could see more of. like that painting, the self-portrait, i had no idea you could create things like that. when i try to paint it's all gobble and goop, with you... you have vision.
you have a vision.
whether it's for yourself, others, your future, whatever. you know what you want and you're going to go for it and even if the roads are foggy you can still see enough to know that you're going to push through.
you're truly incredible. i just want you to know that because when i'm around you sometimes i feel this intimdation that keeps me silent.